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My last blog promised all sorts of things, and I have not delivered. No goals, no “This I Believe” essays… Honestly my mind has not been in the place to write about positivity and ideals.  I’ve had some prolonged stress and life’s just been hard the last several months.  There have been a few bright spots, but my mind seems unable to turn from what’s going wrong to what’s going right.  So I may as well vent and update about the recovery and try to put my special spin on things.

I somehow forgot that the first quarter at work is our busiest.  OK maybe I remembered that it was the busiest, but wow.  Wow.  I guess last year I hadn’t been given that much responsibility yet so I figured I could handle things this year just as well as last year.  So I planned a vacation in February…February 10-13, to be exact.  To the CPAC convention in DC.  My first trip to DC.  It was already very risky to take a vacation during this period, and then the weather got all crazy last week and the office was closed for 4 days.  I’m going to have to work at least 50 hours a week for a month to make up for the missed days.  So I canceled the trip, losing about $450 in the process.  Ouch.

I suppose it’s for the best though.  My ankle still isn’t really up for travel and sightseeing.  It’s been 3 months since the surgery, and things still aren’t 100%.  I’d say about 75%.  There is still a lot of swelling, pain, and stiffness.  I have about 50% flexibility, but it is stable and I feel safe walking even though it is usually painful.  I wear an ankle brace everywhere but home – it’s an upgrade from the boot, but it limits my wardrobe to tennis shoes.  Flats are very painful.  So I pretty much never feel cute…but I digress.  I had a check-up with the ankle surgeon yesterday, and he thinks that the fiber wire that he used to anchor my tendon to the bone might be rubbing on the tendon, causing it to swell.  And I’m not talking about a little swelling – it’s major swelling.  Probably an inch in circumference or more by the end of the day.  So I had another lovely steroid shot directly in the tendon yesterday (pretty much the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced), and it seems to be doing better.  If it continues to swell, he may have to go back in and remove the wire.  I am still miffed by how a “two week recovery period” can turn into three months.  At least I can walk now.

Physical therapy seems to be helping as much as it can despite the swelling.  It takes up 2-3 nights a week, sometimes a Saturday.  My social life is suffering, and I miss my friends and family dearly.  I’m attempting to have a love life, and the time constraint has proven a hardship.  When I don’t have PT, I’m working late.  The four days off last week was a desperately needed escape from reality.  My family has suffered considerable loss and hardship the last six months, and it’s been hard to watch those I love suffer.  I try to be the pillar of strength, but the constant negativity has really taken a toll on my disposition.  It shadows everything.

I know I’m a lucky girl, but just this once I don’t want to pretend that I feel lucky.  Life goes on, this too shall pass, and all that…I’m just ready for this period to get the hell out of here.

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